And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
