Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
