oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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