I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
