just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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