just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We have started to decorate penises.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
