its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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