when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
