i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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