Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
