is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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