I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
