allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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