Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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