I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
