We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
