Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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