She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
