when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
