just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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