hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
