i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
