just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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