I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
