I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
