Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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