She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
