I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
