her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
