I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
