ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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