Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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