Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
