; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
