1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
