you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
