I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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