My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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