Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
