WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
