YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
