She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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