I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
