Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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