I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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