but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
