Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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