If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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