i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
