Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
